


Let Me Carry You Home

by ailaikannu



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Established SuperCorp, F/F, Lena Luthor & Maggie Sawyer Friendship, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor-centric, Protective Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, Supercorp endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-02-18 14:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13102005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailaikannu/pseuds/ailaikannu
Summary: Lena hates movie clichés, but what happens when her wife loses her memories and they're brought back to before they even knew each other?She never expected her life to turn into some kind of cliché romantic movie about someone losing their memory and falling back in love with their spouse.OR“She doesn’t remember me.”Alex swallows hard. “I think her memory is stuck on six years ago. She remembers being Supergirl, but she thinks it happened like a year ago. Maybe less.”





	1. Clichés

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is about?

There is only one thing that I hate more than clichés in movies.

If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, the answer is pretty simple. What I hate more than clichés in movies is that I often forget that clichés are annoying because they do actually happen in real life.

You know, I lead a perfectly normal life, if you forget the part where my wife is Supergirl and I am the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the state.

Also, I am a Luthor and I know you’re making a weird face as you think about how evil Luthors are.

I am not evil, I promise you.

I am a fan of routines and everyone around me gets pretty annoyed at how strict I am when it comes to certain things.

I usually wake up early in the morning, around six a.m, when it’s still dark outside. Kara always groans when my alarm goes off, and either tries to convince me to stay in bed, or groans once again and goes back to sleep.

This morning, she did the latter.

I get up the moment my alarm goes off, kiss Kara on her forehead (if she’s not sleep flying _again_ ), walk to the kitchen, make myself some coffee, go to the bathroom to pee as I wait for coffee to be ready.

Once I finally have my cup in hand, I sit on one of the stools by the kitchen island and drink my first coffee of the day as I read the newspaper. When I’m done, I walk back to the bathroom and take a quick shower.

When I’m done with my shower, I walk back to the kitchen and pour myself a second cup of coffee. I walk to the bedroom with my coffee in hand and get dressed. After getting dressed, I normally do my hair and make-up, then kiss Kara goodbye and it’s still dark outside when I’m walking to the garage where my driver is waiting for me.

I get to L-Corp at the crack of dawn, it’s not even seven a.m by the time I’m sitting at my desk chair. I already have my third cup of coffee of the day. No worries, I’ll get my fourth one once Jess gets here. I have around one hour before my assistant gets here, and I normally spend it preparing for the day and savouring my last hour of freedom before I switch to CEO mode for the rest of the day.

As I said before, Jess comes in at eight a.m, two cups of coffee in hand, a bright smile on her face. She hands me my fourth cup of the day and talks to me about the meetings I have scheduled for the day. Meeting usually start around nine thirty, when I’ve been awake for more than three hours and drank five cups of coffee already.

Five? I thought you said it was four.

I did say four.

They become five when Kara comes flying into my office at nine a.m sharp, every single morning, two cups in hand, smiling as she walks inside my office. She usually tries to trick me into drinking something different, but it never works. She brought me a chamomile tea one morning and I threw her out of the balcony.

I know she let me do that, but still.

The morning is usually filled with meetings, paperwork and phone calls. Lunchtime is my favourite moment of the day. I normally share it with Kara but, sometimes, I have lunch with Alex or Maggie. Or both. Or the three of them together.

Depending on how my day is going, we either go out for lunch, or eat some kind of quick meal in my office, in between meetings.

The afternoon usually looks a lot like my mornings but, sometimes when I’m lucky, I get to spend some time in the lab, doing what I’m actually good at.

The time I stop working and go back home varies from five p.m to… Never. Kara’s had to fly here and wake me up multiple times since we got together. I have the bad habit of spacing out when I’m working and sometimes I fall asleep with my head on the desk.

This afternoon was a bit different than my usual.

Because I got a call from Alex.

You’re gonna think that there’s nothing weird about your sister in law calling and that’s true. Well, only in part.

Alex doesn’t call.

She only calls me when something’s happened to Supergirl.

The nice thing is that I can recognize how bad the situation is just by the way Alex talks, she has three different “incident voices”.

  1. Kara did the usual bullshit mistake and now Winn is a bald man, kind of voice.
  2. The alien she was fighting was stronger than expected and she blew out her powers. She’ll most likely be spending the rest of the day exposed to the sun kind of voice.
  3. When Maggie calls using Alex’s phone.



Maggie called only twice and Kara was almost dead both times. I don’t like it when Maggie calls. I really don’t.

The call I got today was somewhere between voice number one and voice number two, Alex seemed relaxed. I told her I’d drive myself to the DEO once I was finished with some paperwork and she said not to worry, because Kara looked fine and was awake.

But you know me, right? I can’t go one day without something going wrong.

You’re probably thinking that I’m a dramatic bitch. And I am, I'll admit it. But not today.

I drive myself to the DEO, walk inside the familiar building and towards the medical bay. Alex is waiting for me right outside Kara’s sunbathing room and looks worried.

No, she’s not worried.

She looks confused.

“Hey, what happened?”

She looks at me a bit wide-eyed. “Ah… Something weird is going on.”

“What do you mean? Is she okay?”

“She’s… Uh… She’s fine.” Alex replied. “But… Uhm… She seems to be suffering from amnesia.”

“Amnesia?” I can feel my own mouth hanging open. “What the fuck? She's an alien?!”

Alex breaths hard. “She… I told her that you were coming to get her and…”

“She doesn’t remember me.”

Alex swallows hard. “I think her memory is stuck on six years ago. She remembers being Supergirl, but she thinks it happened like a year ago. Maybe less.”

So, yeah, I am not being dramatic.


	2. Bloody Miserable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story's been getting a lot of love, thank you guys so much!  
> As always, comments and kudos are always appreciated.

So, here I am, standing like an idiot and staring at Alex who looks even more confused than I do. She keeps scratching her head, most likely thinking that an idea might come to her and fix this problem.

I am screaming internally as I try to keep a straight face.

“What do we do?”

Alex shrugs. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Should we… I mean… They normally say that it’s easier to let them believe what they remember? So… I guess it’s back to six years ago.” I tell her, sighing as loudly as my body lets me. “We’ll find a way to get her memories back.”

“But…”

“Alex, we don’t want to fry her brain.”

“She doesn’t even know that you exist.” Alex points out.

“I know.” I swallow hard. “She’ll remember.”

I told you. Clichés in movies suck. But they’re even worse in real life. Do you think that I got up this morning thinking that my day would end with Alex telling me that Kara’s mind was stuck on six years ago? Six years? Like, how many chances were there of her going back to a few months before we met?

Typical Lena.

Things never suck a little with me, it’s always a bloody disaster. No wonder I became such a dramatic, extra, bitch.

“Do you want to see her?”

“I don’t want to risk scaring her.”

“I’ll tell her that you’re a friend of mine.” Alex quickly says. “I know that you want to see her and make sure that she’s safe.”

She’s right. I desperately want to see her.

I nod at Alex and we both walk to Kara’s room.

“Kara, this is Lena Luthor, a friend of mine.” Alex says and Kara looks curiously at me.

I can tell that my last name had an effect on her, because her eyes are slightly widened.

“Hello.” She says, smiling brightly. She always does that, even if she thinks that she doesn’t know me.

“Hi, just wanted to make sure you were okay.” I tell her. She looks even more confused than before. “Alex… She, uhm she talks a lot about you and I was around and wanted to make sure my friend’s sister was okay.”

Nice save, Lena. Nice save.

“That’s really nice of you.” She says. “I am pretty good, thank you.”

I smile at her before walking out once again. Alex quickly follows me.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers. “That was awful.”

“I’m just glad that she’s okay.”

Alex smiles weakly at me. “I’ll stay with her for the night.”

“Keeping her apartment was a smart move.” I tell her. “I just hoped we wouldn’t need it because of this.”

So I’m now sitting on our sofa by myself, sipping whiskey as I stare at the tv. It feels weird.

The house feels empty.

Kara’s giddiness and bubbly demeanour always keep me company at night and I feel strangely lonely.

It’s only the first night and I am not looking forward to the next few days.

Our bed feels huge without Kara’s weight on the other side and I find myself staring at the ceiling for far too long before actually falling asleep.

When my alarm goes off the next morning, I am the one groaning. For a moment, I forget that Kara’s not next to me and turn to kiss her.

Realizing that she’s not there makes me cringe, but I get up anyways.

Even though she is normally sleeping when I get ready, I feel like something’s missing.

I still make a fresh pot of coffee before I leave the house, temporarily forgetting that it will get cold, because nobody is there to drink it.

When nine a.m comes around, I find myself missing my fifth cup of coffee and Kara’s kisses making my day better.

Maggie knocks on my office door at lunchtime. She looks tired, like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I kind of feel the same.

“Hey, little Luthor.” She says.

“Sawyer.”

“I’m sorry for what happened to Kara.” She says, sitting down on my couch. She sets our lunch on the coffee table and I smile at the sight of food. It’s from her favourite vegan burrito place, of course.

“It’s fine.” I lie. “It’ll be fine.”

“It feels like a movie, doesn’t it?” She says as she hands me my burrito.

“Kind of, yes.” I shrug. “And movies always end with the couple falling back in love.”

“Let’s hope that she’ll remember soon, then.” Maggie smiles. “I will never forget that it took her two years to realize that she was in love with you.”

“You tell me.”

I really don’t want to wait for Kara to fall back in love with me.

 _Again_.

The beginning of our relationship was long and sometimes excruciatingly painful and I don’t want to live it again. And she shouldn’t have to go through it again either.

It’s only the first day, and I’m missing Kara like crazy. We’ve been separated before, I’ve been on business trips, she’s been to different planets, but… This feels different. The little things are what I miss the most, and it happened less than twenty-four hours ago.

“She saw you and… Nothing? I was hoping seeing you would spark some kind of memory.”

I shrug. “Nothing. She did look at me like a human would look at an alien, though.”

“Why?”

“Curtesy of my last name, I suppose.”

“Nah.” Maggie says. “You know she was never one to judge you because of your last name.”

“I know.” I tell her. “I suppose it was more like how is Alex friends with a Luthor?”

Maggie lets out a laugh. “Yeah, that kind of makes sense.”

And if this morning was weird, I’m not even going to tell you how my second night without Kara went.

Spoiler alert: it was bloody miserable.

 

 

 


	3. Hell on Earth

A week has passed.

A full week.

Seven bloody days.

Seven days of me brooding and groaning loudly at everything and everyone. Sometimes it changes and I’m just sighing my way through life.

You wouldn’t even guess what kind of _genius_ idea Alex had on Friday night.

A game night. A bloody game night.

The guests?

Alex.

Maggie.

Kara.

Myself.

Because my life wasn’t weird enough as it was. Spending the whole night trying not to stare at Kara, desperately trying to avoid calling her “darling”, reminding myself that I’m not allowed to kiss her or even touch her.

It was hell.

Hell on Earth.

It was physically painful to act like I didn’t know her because, you know, we officially met last week. For a moment I was sure she had forgotten my name. Can you imagine how it feels to have your wife forget your name?

Fun fact: Kara doesn’t know that Alex is a lesbian. Nor that Alex and Maggie are together and thinking about adopting a child.

Game night with me longing for Kara and Alex and Maggie exchanging glances wasn’t fun, let me tell you that. Kara found it pretty weird that the two of us were really good at Pictionary and I almost told her that it’s actually normal, considering we’ve been kicking Sanvers’ asses for six years.

Of course she doesn’t know that.

There’s one little thing that we’re trying to avoid like the plague. Kara going to Alex’s apartment. Why? Well, because Maggie lives there, and it shows.

Being at home means being constantly reminded that Kara looks at me and sees a stranger, while I look at her and see the love of my life. How convenient.

That’s probably why I’ve spent the past week working around eighteen hours a day, because that’s healthy. Alex calls me at night to make sure I am not sleeping on my desk, telling me that there’s no point in lying, because, and I quote:

“I can tell that you were asleep on your desk, you have your _I’m using paperwork as a pillow_ voice!”

I am trying my best not to throw myself out of the balcony but, you know, it’s kind of hard to wake up every day knowing that my wife forgot who I am. I guess it might be because my brain is telling me that she won’t remember me, but I can’t really tell.

Maggie and I have lunch together almost every day.

Yes, I am getting tired of vegan burritos. I reckon she could eat seven if I let her, but I am craving potsticker lunches with Kara.

Alex lied to Kara about her condition, telling her that it was a really bad accident and that they need to run a lot of tests on her, just to make sure nothing’s actually wrong with her.

The truth is that we still can’t quite picture why she lost her memories and we can’t let her into the real world, because a lot of things have changed and she doesn’t have a clue.

Wouldn’t it be fun if she were to go back to CatCo, thinking to be Cat Grant’s assistant, and finding out that Cat’s not there anymore, I bought CatCo, James is running it for me, and she’s a reporter?

Yes, I reckon she’d have a stroke, and we don’t want that.

So, this basically turned into a life of pretending. And it’s almost painful. I can tell that Alex is suffering a great deal because she was basically forced back into the closet and the only person who doesn’t know that she’s gay happens to be the most important person in her life as well.

I’m not even going to tell you how it makes me feel to know that my wife forgot that I even exist.


	4. Heart Attack

I almost had a heart attack this morning.

I most definitely did not expect Jess to knock on my door to tell me that my wife came to see me.

Thankfully for me, she didn’t notice the picture I have on my desk. You know, how would I have explained it?

First of all, she thinks we met less than three weeks ago.

Second of all, it is pretty clear that we’re getting married on that photo.

“Ah, yes. My wife looks _a lot_ like you.”

I can tell that she feels like she’s been here before. She takes a few, sure, steps and stops in the middle of my office.

“Hey, I hope I’m not bothering you…” She looks confused as she scans the room. “I felt like bringing you coffee? I know it’s completely random…”

I don’t even need to check my watch to see that it’s nine a.m.

“You’re not bothering me, don’t worry.” I smile at her. “That was so thoughtful of you, thank you.”

She hands me the cup of coffee and I’m glad to see that it’s actually coffee and not some kind of weird chamomile tea.

“With me not being cleared for work I am kind of bored.” She smiles. “Alex won’t let me go back to CatCo. I wonder what she told Cat.”

“Most likely that you died.” I tell her. “We all know how stubborn Cat can be.”

“I didn’t think you knew her.”

“I do.” I smile. “Stubborn CEO’s are always friends.”

She grins at me. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“So, how are you feeling?”

“Well, apart from being bored all the time, I’m actually pretty good.” She says. “Wait, I didn’t know you were married!”

Oh no.

My ring.

My bloody ring.

I forgot to take the damn thing off.

A feeling that I’ve come to know pretty well: panicking inside while keeping a straight face.

“I am not, actually.” I smile at her. “This is my father’s wedding band and a ring that he got my mother when they adopted me.”

What kind of freaking lie is that? And people think that I am a bloody genius! How?!

“I know it’s kind of weird that I’m wearing them on my ring finger, but it’s actually helpful when weird men try to talk to me.”

I am considered a genius. Can you even believe it? I blame this on my last name. People were shitting their pants the moment I walked inside a room, I had no friends, no human relationship.

No wonder I have no idea how to behave.

“That makes sense.” She says, smiling. I can’t really tell if she’s being honest or if she thinks that I am batshit crazy. “And it’s actually pretty sweet, if you ask me.”

I wonder if she can see that the stone on my engagement ring perfectly matches her eyes.

“Thank you.”

And this is the first of many mornings I spend with Kara.

It’s amazing and painful at the same time. We talk a lot, about things we’ve already discussed, answering questions we’ve already talked about, pretending like I don’t know all the answers already. Sometimes I can tell she’s not surprised by some of my answers, but I’m pretty sure her brain is telling her that it’s because I’m predictable, not because we’ve been married for a long time.

She looks distressed one morning when she sits on the chair in front of my desk. Four weeks have passed since her incident, and it doesn’t look like she’s regaining her memories. Not at all. She is a lot more comfortable around me now, walking inside my office without bothering to knock first or directly flying in from my balcony.

“You seem… Preoccupied.” I tell her. “What happened?”

She sighs and opens and closes her mouth a few times. “I just witnessed something really weird.”

Considering that her mind is stuck on six years ago, I can think of a thousand things that could look weird to her. “What did you see?”

“You know how my sister is stressing me out with weird exams and tests, right?” She asks and I nod. “Well, I got to the DEO a little earlier than usual this morning. And I walked in on my sister and Maggie making out.”

Oh sweet mother of God.

“I was so shocked I flew out of the DEO and I think I haven’t breathed yet.” She says, looking visibly shaken. “I… I feel like I’m missing something.”

“Kara…”

“What am I missing, Lena?” She asks, her eyes wide. “Why didn’t my sister tell me that she’s gay? Why didn’t she tell me about Maggie?”

I take a deep breath and look at her. “She did.”

“What? I don’t understand.” Kara says, looking miserable. She looks confused, I can’t even imagine how weird this whole ordeal might look to her. “And you know what? It doesn’t feel that strange. I feel like… My sister and Maggie together, they… I’m not sure I know how to explain this. They look like they work.”

It looks like Kara’s brain is finally getting wired like it was before the accident.

“Care to elaborate?”

“I didn’t even flinch when I first saw them.” She explains. “It was when I walked out of the room and actually thought about it that it started feeling like something was missing.”


	5. Losing Your Memory

“Wait. You said she’s told me already?”

I will regret this. I know I will. Why can’t I keep my damn mouth shut? Alex is going to kill me, but not before I cut her bloody head off.

“I’m going to call her in here and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

She looks confused for a second and then nods. I have Jess call Alex for me and I can feel my heart pounding soundly in my chest as we wait for her to get here. The silence between us is deafening, almost making me feel sick. We should have told her, we should have shared little snippets of her life and slowly but surely forced her back to us.

We made a mistake, and now we’re frying her brain with new information.

When Alex eventually does get here, she looks even more scared than I do.

I know she won’t take the lead on this, I might as well do the talking myself.

“We haven’t been honest with you.” I begin. Kara looks worried. “Alex’s been telling you that your accident was worse than you remember, right?”

“Yes.”

“What we haven’t told you is that you lost your memories the day of the accident.” Alex quickly says.

Kara’s mouth is hanging open.

We wait for her to say something, knowing well enough that there’s nothing more for us to say.

“What do you mean I’ve lost my memories?” She asks. “I do remember things.”

Alex takes a deep breath. “What year is it, Kara?”

She looks confused as she scratches her head. “2015.”

“It’s December 17th.” I tell her and she looks satisfied. “2021.”

She furrows her brows. “Guys, this is not funny.”

She sighs when she’s met with silence. “So you’re telling me that I’ve forgotten about six years of my life and that you’ve been living like it was six years ago for a full month.”

Alex and I both nod.

“So, Alex is apparently gay now.” She says. “And has a girlfriend. What else is new?”

Again, she’s met with silence.

 “We’re together, right?” She asks, looking at me.

I silently nod my head.

“Then I’m not crazy.”

“Why would you be crazy?”

“I’ve been… I’ve been having lucid dreams, I’d say. I keep imagining myself kissing you, or our fingers laced together… I kept thinking it was my subconscious telling me that I have a crush on you, and I guess I was technically right, considering that we’re together.”

I smile at her. “We’re actually married.”

She smiles back at me. “The rings.”

“I’ve never been good with lies.”

She sighs. “Well, considering that you’ve both lied to me for a full month I’d say that you’re pretty good.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugs. “It’s fine, I guess I would have done the same.”

“What are you going to do?” Alex asks.

“Me? I’m doing nothing. You will sit down and explain whatever happened in these six years that I apparently forgot.” She says. “Ah, not everything. We wouldn’t want to fry my brain.”

What the fuck is going on.

I told you I have movie clichés, didn’t I?

“You’ve been Supergirl for the past six years.” Alex explains. “That hasn’t changed much, except that you are much better at controlling your powers and we got to go to different Earths. Cat fired you as her personal assistant and re-hired you as a reporter. She then left CatCo and now James runs it.”

“And I own it.” I whisper. “And so do you, actually. I gave you half of it as a Christmas present a few years back.”

“You gave me half of CatCo as a present?”

“Ah, I’m pretty sure it’s not the most expensive thing she’s got you.” Alex snickers. “I don’t think you’ve realized what it means to be Luthor-rich.”

“So, what about us?” She asks, looking at me.

“We met in 2016, right after I moved here from Metropolis. We became pretty good friends, you were always there to protect me from people who thought every single bad thing happening in National City happened because of me. It took us both two years to admit that we had romantic feelings and you finally kissed me one night in the summer of 2018.”

“Ah, I kissed you first!” Kara says, grinning.

I can feel my eyebrow almost brushing against my hairline. “You did.”

“But nothing will ever compare to Lena’s Epic Proposal™.” Alex chuckles. “It was the gayest and most extra thing I’ve seen in my whole life.”

“I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that I said yes.”

I find myself smiling at the memory. “No, you did not.”

Kara looks at me with wide eyes. “I thought you said we were married?”

“I think you wanted me to die because I proposed before you had the chance.” I tell her. “You looked at me, dead serious and told me that you couldn’t.”

“Right, you did almost die.” Alex says. “I seriously thought I was going to need a defibrillator.”

“You said yes, eventually.” I explain. “But it took you long enough.”

“Why don’t I have my ring?” She asks.

“Well, you never wear your rings when you’re out being Supergirl, thus why you weren’t wearing them at the time of your accident.” I tell her. “I have them at home.”

“Home, right.” She says, nodding. “Wait.”

She looks like she’s about to say something, but there’s something stopping her.

“Kara, what’s wrong?” Alex asks, suddenly really worried.

“In this whole thing I forgot what being married actually means.” Kara whispers. “We most likely left together that morning and you had to go back by yourself and readjust your life to being sort of single again for a full month while I was too busy complaining about how boring my life was.”

“Kara, it’s fine.” I tell her. “You didn’t know.”

“I should have known, though.” And again, she looks like she’s having an epiphany. “Do… Do we have kids?”

Her voice breaks on the last word and I can feel my eyes filling with tears.

Stupid movie clichés, right?

Yes, you guessed it right.

Kara and I were trying to have a child. Last month was our second attempt after a failed one.

“Not yet.” I tell her and she visibly relaxes. “But I am pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no


	6. I Like Me Better When I'm With You

I can’t believe I just said those words out loud.

Kara looks like she’s about to pass out and I believe I’m feeling the same way.

I am pregnant, but I haven’t allowed myself to believe it just yet. Mainly because last month was our first try and I actually cried when I got my period. We both expected this to take longer than it actually did, but it ended up working on the second try.

“How long have you known?” Kara manages to spit out after a while.

“Not long.” I tell her. “With your accident and the memory loss I… Sort of forgot.”

“You forgot.” Kara repeats.

“Yes, I did.” I comment. “I was focused on finding a way to give you your memories back and I didn’t realize that I’ve missed my period.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Kara sighs. “How long have you known?”

“I found out last week.” I tell her. “I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I then went to my ob-gyn and he confirmed that I am pregnant.”

Taking that pregnancy test by myself was awful. I kept wishing Kara was by my side. I almost wished it’d came out negative, not wanting to miss all these precious moments with my wife.

But it came out positive. And Kara wasn’t there to cry with me. She wasn’t there to jump around with me. She wasn’t there to hold me when I cried myself to sleep that night.

And it’s all my fault.

I close my eyes for a second and, when I open them, Kara’s crying. I open and close my mouth a few times, desperately wanting to say something, but nothing comes out.

“We’re having a child.” She whispers, her voice breaking.

I nod. “We are.”

She looks at me and for a second, just a second, I see my Kara in her eyes. The one who loves me. The one who swore to protect me.

“Can I hug you?” She asks, hesitantly.

And now I am crying as well. “Sure.”

She hugs me and I can tell that this hug is different from the thousands she’s given me throughout the years, but it still feels good.

“How far along are you?” She asks.

“Five weeks.” I tell her. “I have an ultrasound scheduled in three weeks time.”

“Can I come?” She asks, her eyes sparkling with hope.

“Of course you can.” I tell her. “This is your child, too.”

“What if I don’t remember?”

 

I tend to forget that she might, actually, never remember me. She might never remember how we fell in love, how natural it was for us to go from friends to lovers. She might never remember how she asked me out, or how I proposed to her. She might never remember our wedding, or how she kept taking me places for the first month just to be able to introduce me as her wife.

And, yes, she might fall back in love with me anyways. She did once, why shouldn’t she do it twice?

But will it be the same?

Will the memories we once shared taint our new relationship?

Because I do remember.

I remember how my heart ached when she left. I remember how I cried myself to sleep when I realized I had feelings for her and thought she’d never love me back. I remember how I used to feel my heart stop in my chest any time we kissed. I remember the shovel talk Alex gave me when she found out about us. I remember the way her hair smelled the day I proposed to her. I remember the way her naked skin felt like fire on my fingers the first time I touched her.

“You might never remember me, or our love.” I tell her. “What matters is that I know that, whatever happens, you will love this child.”

She nods her head quickly few times.

“So I’m going to be an aunt?” Alex says, figuring she left us enough time.

I grin at her, nodding my head. “Yes, you are.”

She basically launches herself at me, hugging me tightly. Alex is not a hugger, and it’s always kind of nice to be hugged by her.

When we break apart, I notice that Kara’s staring at me.

“Can… Can I touch your belly?”

I nod, not trusting my voice to speak.

She smiles gratefully at me, before placing one hand on my belly. “Hey, little one. I am your mama, and you need to get used to my voice, because I will be talking to you a lot. You might get annoyed, but you can’t speak yet, so I’m just going to go on and talk to you all the time. I can’t wait to meet you, little one.”

She called herself mama.

We’ve had this conversation a long time ago. She said she liked mama better, because it sounded right. I told her I liked mummy better, simply because it’d turn to mum as the child grew.

“I feel like mama fits me.” She says, noticing that I’m crying again. “I also feel like you’d like mummy better. You most definitely are a mum, I’m more of a mama.”

I take a deep breath. “That’s accurate.”

“I’m guessing we already talked about this.”

I nod again. “We did. And you’re right, mama does fit you.”


	7. DL

Things have changed quite a bit.

Kara still comes to see me every morning, but doesn’t bring me coffee anymore. She found some kind of herbal thing that’s supposed to help with the pregnancy.

It tastes like dirt and I bloody hate it.

She has decided that, until we settle on a name, she’s calling our child DL and it’s really weird.

Every morning, she walks in my office at 9 sharp, holding a cup of that nefarious drink and two new couples of names for DL. The only thing we’ve decided for now is that an L name is necessary, doesn’t matter if it’s a first or second name.

On day one she suggested Ava Lea and Lucas Oliver.

On day two she apparently had a thing for fucking long names, because she came up with Charlotte Leighton and Dominic Landon. She seemed to have forgotten that this child will have Danvers-Luthor as a last name, if that wasn’t long enough.

Day three was powerful and meaningful names day, because she entered my office screaming: “Athena Lux and Osiris Lincoln.”

Did I laugh? Yes, I did laugh. A lot.

Is she going mental? Yes, she is.

It’s now day four and I’m scared about what she’s going to have in mind.

“So, I was thinking.” She says, handing me my cup of dirt. “You haven’t said one name that you like, and only laugh at my suggestions.”

“That’s because my brain was wired to only find first names starting with the letter L.”

“That’s alright. We did say we wanted one of the names to start with an L.” She replies. “Tell me which ones you like.”

The truth is that I’ve never really thought about it.

I didn’t want to become like my mother and I decided when I was really young that I was never going to have children. Kara did change this idea. She taught me that I was enough, she showed me that I’m not like my mother. Too bad she doesn’t remember any of that.

“I’ve always loved Lennon.” I tell her. “Lily and Leighton for a little girl. For a boy I’d go for Liam, Levi or Leigh.”

“What if we chose one name each? I mean, it kind of makes sense.” She comments. “We do have the power of veto, of course. I wouldn’t want my child ending up with a name I absolutely despise.”

It does make sense. “I guess I’ll choose the L name.”

“Yeah.” She smiles at me. “And then we’ll decide which one goes as first name and which one goes as second.”

After our little conversation, Kara stops suggesting new names when she comes in. She keeps visiting me every morning, cup of dirt in hand, and never fails to ask me how I’m feeling and talking to little DL for a moment.

The morning of my first ultrasound, she walks in looking confident, but I can tell that she’s worried.

“Everything will be fine.” I tell her, accepting the cup of tea she hands me.

“I know.” She whispers. “But I’m still worried.”

“I’m worried, too.” I admit.

“We’ll be fine.” She says. “Whatever happens.”

The drive to my doctor’s office is silent, but I can feel Kara tensing beside me as my driver parks the car. I don’t know if her instincts forgot that Kara doesn’t remember basically anything, but she grabs my hand as we’re walking to the office.

“I hope this is okay.” She whispers.

I nod. “Kara, you’re the love of my life. Even if you don’t remember it.”

She silently smiles at me and, together, we sit in the waiting room. She looks nervous, but tries to hide it.

I don’t think I need to tell you that she’s failing miserably.

Kara flinches when the doctor’s assistant calls me Mrs Danvers-Luthor and, suddenly, I’m laying down on the most uncomfortable thing ever and Kara is standing next to me, her hand still holding mine.

After a few routine tests, it’s time for the actual ultrasound. Normally, a person would wait until around eighteen weeks to have one but, considering the weird situation, we scheduled one for today.

The perks of being a Luthor.

I have heard a lot of sounds in my life. A lot of screaming, mainly. I’ve been fond of music since I was a little girl, my brother would always tease me because I got obsessed with classical music at a young age. Then I started hearing people’s voices, I started learning how to understand emotions based on tones. Then it was engineering sounds. Explosions sounds in the lab with my brother. Laughter with Kara.

But this.

Sweet mother of God, the sound I heard today was pure bliss.

It was a heartbeat. For a moment, I forgot about how shitty this bloody situation is. I forgot that Kara doesn’t remember me.

Kara looked unfazed and I had to remind myself that she’s heard this heartbeat before. I wonder how she understands which one is mine and which one is our child’s.


	8. Pickles and Ice Cream

Let me be honest for a moment.

Pregnancies suck.

Yes, I am growing a human being who happens to be my child, and yes, it is worth it, but… Everything else sucks.

I am always feeling hot, like Sahara desert hot, and I can’t exactly go to work naked. Yes, I do own the place, but that doesn't mean I can.

I appear to be craving lots of weird combinations of food: pickles with ice cream and fish and chips dipped in chocolate seem to be my current favourites.

My feet are the size of a bloody air balloon and my back feels like it’s about to snap in half most of the time.

Thankfully, I think I am done with morning sickness for this pregnancy. One question, why do they call it _morning_ sickness if you just keep vomiting all day long? I've basically been vomiting for twelve weeks and I am just now readjusting to life without a bucket by my side 24/7.

“I need to talk to you.”

When your amnesic wife says those damn six words, you might as well run for your life.

“Of course, what’s up?” Back at it again with playing the cool one who never panics. 

She takes a deep breath, which makes me slightly nervous. “I need you to sit down.”

As if I wasn’t nervous enough before she said that.

So now I’m sitting, with Kara staring silently at me. I don’t know if she forgot how scary those words tend to be, because she doesn’t look like she’s about to start talking.

“Kara? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” She clarifies. “I… I was wondering if you’d tell me the story of how you proposed to me. Alex said it was particularly dramatic and I thought… Well, I figured it gave me pretty strong feelings, and I wonder if the story might actually help me remember?”

Goddammit, Kara.

Why is this happening to me?

“Ah, sure.”

A bright smile appears on her face as she sits down next to me.

“So, it was mid-June. Exceptionally warm weather for National City. I had been planning the day for about five-six months and I was genuinely afraid I might melt because of the bloody heat. That morning I decided to pretend to be angry at you and yelled like a crazy bitch for like twenty minutes, and you almost died. You went to work and I asked you not to bother me until we got back home and your sister had to help me with that, because you wanted to fly up to L-Corp after about fifteen minutes and that was a big no-no.” I tell her. “I was so bloody nervous, I still don’t understand how you didn’t see that something’s was up. I almost forgot the ring back in my office, of course Jess saved me on that as well. I think I would be dead if Jess wasn’t my assistant.”

Kara is looking at me with curious eyes, and looks like a child listening to a bedtime story.

“I know that your sister told you  that my proposal was extra, and I’m pretty sure that you’re expecting some kind of super romantic moviesque proposal, but… I thought about it for so long, watching YouTube videos about proposals, watching stupid romantic movies, and nothing seemed right. I thought about flying you to the Caribbeans and propose underwater, I thought about proposing on the Eiffel Tower…”

“It was your office.” Kara says, her voice low. “You filled it with flowers, but you got too into it and the moment I opened the door and almost drowned in a sea of petals. And it felt perfect because that’s where we first met, where I confessed my feelings for you and where you kissed me for the first time.”

Is this what a heart attack feels like?

Or is it a stroke?

Am I hallucinating?

Oh, fuck me, am I dying?

I can’t die, I am pregnant, I am carrying our child, I can’t…

Kara remembers.

“You…”

“I think I had a flash.” She says, looking shy.

“I remember coming here with my cousin to talk to you about some article and you looking stunning… I remember thinking that you were drunk out of your head and wouldn’t remember my words anyways… I remember you, the night breeze on my skin, feeling scared, the sounds of the cars underneath us, the way you kissed me on that balcony…”

And I’m crying now.

I’ve completely lost my mind.

It’s the hormones, I swear.

“Your cousin thought I was behind an attack and you were defending me, even though you didn’t know me. I was pissed that night, I was out with your sister and I then convinced her to come here so that I could have her taste a super expensive kind of scotch I keep here for special occasions and she was hyped. You flew here at like four a.m and brought her home before coming back and telling me all those things, I believe you thought I had passed out. I kissed you the night after you confessed your feelings, you came here to see if I was still alive after that goddamned scotch and I was… And you were mad at me because I was working on a Sunday.”

“Ah, yes. You looked like you were about to die and I couldn’t believe how you actually managed to get back here and work.” She casually says, apparently forgetting that she’s not supposed to remember this stuff. “Oh, I reckon you slept here.”

“I did.” I laugh. “You left and I tried getting up to go to the bathroom and I faceplanted on the floor. I woke up the next day at like two p.m feeling like I was about to die, took a shower and thought I might as well work.”


	9. It's a Forest

And now I’m bloody huge.

Today I am thirty-six weeks pregnant and I can’t believe how fast this pregnancy has gone.

We still have four weeks before our little peanut comes out, but I am already feeling excited.

Kara is getting better, remembering little things from time to time, mostly slipping memories into conversations without even realizing what she’s done. It takes her only a few seconds to realize that she remembered something, I reckon the shock on my face helps her with that.

Kara sort of moved in with me, which I find is a really weird thing to say. I guess, technically, she moved back in, even if she never really moved out. She’s taken one of the guest bedrooms, claiming she needs to be with me in case anything happens.

What does that mean for me?

Chinese food every other night and feeling safe now that I have my wife with me. It also means gross healthy drinks and cheesy rom-coms.

So, yeah, it’s almost as if we were back to normal.

“Lena, can you come here?”

I don’t know how I feel about this request, but I get up anyways and follow Kara’s voice to our child’s nursery. I am assuming she finished painting it, even though I still don’t get why she insisted on doing it herself.

“It’s a forest.” She whispers, once I get to the doorway.

I am amazed and what’s in front of me. The last time I saw the nursery, it was white and bare, with all the furniture hidden in a closet nearby.

What I see now is so amazing it’s hard to actually believe she did this herself.

The base colour on the walls is a light shade of mint green and Kara painted three different layers of pine trees, going from lighter to darker shades of green. She put together the crib we got a few months back, the changing table and the dresser. She even painted each drawer following the walls’ scheme.

There’s a picture of us on top of the dresser, together with a collage of every ultrasound I’ve done so far.

I feel like crying.

No, I’m already crying and now Kara looks worried.

“It’s perfect.” I whisper, knowing well enough that worried Kara is no fun. “Thank you. I love it, I love _you_.”

She looks at me for a moment before starting to cry.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” I don’t even know what to say. “I know it’s… It might be quite hard for you, everything we’re going through… You’re about to have a child with a stranger and now I decide it’s fair of me to tell you that I love you. I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head a few times. “You’re not a stranger. You’re not just anybody, Lena. I might not be back to where I was before the accident, but I do remember you. I do remember our moments together. I remember our first kiss and many more after that. I just… I’m scared to tell you that I love you, because what if it is a memory? What if it something I remember, but don’t actually feel? What if I simply think I love you, when I’m actually remembering how you made me feel? It’s extremely confusing.”

I have the same fear.

I was never strong enough to say it out loud, but she just expressed one of my biggest fears.

What if she thinks she loves me because her brain tells her that she’s supposed to?

What if she thinks she loves me because she remembers she used to?

“I think you’ll know when and if it happens.”

“I do know that I love you, Lena.” She states. “I simply don’t know if I am in love with you.”

Yes, go ahead and call that simple.

We both shouldn’t be stressing too much, so we agree on ordering Chinese food for tonight and chill while watching a movie.

So guess who’s eating potstickers while watching Moana for the thousandth time?

I know, at least it’s not Frozen again.

Going to bed still feels rather weird. We say goodnight once the movie’s over and go on about our night-time routines.

Kara drinks a big glass of milk, takes a quick shower and brushes her teeth before walking to her bedroom where she immediately falls asleep. The usual.

I usually wash my face, brush my teeth and then walk to what used to be our bedroom. I normally read for around one hour and usually fall asleep with my glasses on and a book on my face.

Of course I didn’t expect to wake up in the middle of the night because of terrible contractions and feeling all wet.

“Kara, my water broke!”


	10. Welcome to the World

_Panic_.

That’s what I see in Kara’s eyes.

Complete and utter panic, like I’ve never seen before. And she’s Supergirl and has spent the past seven years fighting aliens and evil people, so that might say something to you.

I can hear her quickly muttering something under her breath, I can’t understand what she’s saying, I’m assuming she’s talking in her native language. Or cursing really fast.

In a moment, I find myself in the hospital’s parking lot, barely able to stand up. I knew labour was going to hurt, but I didn’t expect these first contractions to be this strong. I’ve had contractions before, but now I’ve realized that nothing really prepared me for this. The contractions I’ve had before _stopped_ , while these are going to last for a long time and I’m not sure I can handle this.

Kara’s keeping me upright as she carries my luggage with the other hand and I’m sure she’s trying to figure out if she’s fast enough to go grab a wheelchair and be back before I fall on my ass.

It’s early.

Way too early.

The baby can’t be ready to come out. This baby has four more weeks to develop. Four.

We’re not ready, we are not ready, we’re not ready.

“The baby will be fine.” Kara whispers, as if she were able to hear my thoughts. “We’ll be fine.”

She doesn’t sound too convinced, but I’ll take it. I am trying hard not to suffocate, but breathing seems so hard and unnecessarily painful.

Wait.

What was it?

Ah, right. I need to breathe, slowly but steadily. It’ll help with the pain.

You know what? Fuck that shit. I need drugs, that’s what’s going to help with the pain. _Fuck breathing_.

“It’s early, but not too early, right?” I whisper right before a contraction hits me. Kara managed to carry me to the entrance and I’m now on a wheelchair as we wait for someone to come and get me.

“It’s not too early. Everything will be fine.”

Her voice is steady and she’s trying so bloody hard not to panic in front of me. I can tell she’s thinking about every single terrible scenario we’ve talked about, she’s picturing every image and video we’ve seen since day one and I am doing the same.

I reckon I became the queen of clichés because, once again, I find myself picturing every moment I’ve spent with Kara in the span of twenty seconds.

In between contractions, I picture the day we met. How nervous she looked of meeting a Luthor and how I noticed she wasn’t looking at me the way her cousin was.

In between pushes, I picture all the times she defended me from people who only saw me as a Luthor.

In between breaths, I picture all the times she’s smiled at me and all the times her laughter filled my gray days.

“You’re doing great.”

In between cries, I picture all the times her words made me feel like nothing else mattered.

In between curses, I picture the day she agreed to marry me and how her eyes sparkled as I said my vows.

In between sighs, I picture the first time we talked about having kids.

And then, for one moment, I forget that Kara doesn’t love me the way she’s supposed to and everything’s fine.

“One more push and we’re done.”

It feels like the strength has been drained out of me and pushing one, last, time feels like the most difficult task I’ve ever done in my life.

Because after this push, Kara and I are going to have a child.

A tiny human to take care of.

A child that is going to change our lives forever and I can already tell that it’s going to make me feel like I wasn’t living before this day.

And then the moment finally comes.

A contraction.

One push.

My heart stopping for a moment.

A cry filling the room, telling us that our child is here and breathing.

“It’s a boy!”

A boy.

Our _son_ is here.

And yes, I do feel like I wasn’t living before this moment.

Welcome to the world, Wyatt Levi Danvers-Luthor. You’re loved, cherished and cared for.

 

 


	11. Early

“You’re going back to work.”

I nod firmly. “I am, yes.”

“Isn’t it a bit too early?” Kara asks, hesitating long enough for me to notice the fear in her voice.

“I’m ready, it’s been long enough.”

“Shouldn’t you wait like… Six months?”

I find myself scoffing. “Do you want L-Corp to explode and destroy the city or do you care about my job and my legacy?”

Kara rolls her eyes. “I’m pretty sure L-Corp wouldn’t explode without your guidance. You’ve been gone for a while and it hasn’t exploded yet.”

“Let’s use amnesia as an excuse.” I whisper. “But do I really need to remind you that I worked the day my water broke? And that I was planning on going to work the next morning?”

“Too bad our son was born, uh?”

“Labour was no fun.” I tell her, a huge smile on my face. “For a moment I felt like I was dying, but I have to admit I did think about going to work that afternoon.”

“You did?”

“Yes. I thought about it and then I got up to go to the bathroom and felt like I was going to throw up. Plus, you were sleeping on the chair next to me while holding Wyatt and the view was too beautiful to replace it with the white walls of my office.”

Kara smiles tenderly at me. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

“He is. He’s perfect, Kara. We did good.”

“ _You_ did good.”

“Genetics have nothing to do with how perfect he is.” I reply.  “I did grow him inside of my belly and pushed him out, but _we_ made him. We made him and we are going to shape him. _Together_.”

I can see Kara trying to hide a smile. Or a tear, I’m not sure. “Are you being all cute so that I’ll let you go to work?”

“Ah, you don’t have to let me.” I smile. “You have nothing to worry about, I’ll be in my office all day and Wyatt will be next to me at all times. Jess will be in my office whenever I can’t be.”

Kara looks at me for a moment.

“And you can come to visit whenever you feel like it.”

Kara smiles and nods. “Alright but, please, let me put him in that adorable tuxedo onesie.”

“Of course, her needs to be professional.”

Kara smiles before taking Wyatt from my arms to let me get dressed. When I walk back to his nursery, I see that she dressed him in his tuxedo onesie and is taking a few pictures for her mother (and herself) while I prepare Wyatt’s bag. We walk together to the living room and Kara places Wyatt in his car seat and, without thinking, places a kiss on my lips.

“Oh.” She whispers, while staring at me. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Don’t worry.” I tell her, way too quickly. “I’m gonna go.”

One second later I’m basically running to my car, Wyatt’s bag on my hand and his car seat on the other. His pram is already in the car and I have a cot waiting for him at the office. It’s going to be a great day, I’m sure it will.

Kara kissed me. I don’t even know how I feel about it. It’s normal, alright?

She’s my wife.

My wife hasn’t kissed me in ten months and now she kissed me and I risked having a heart attack.

I was about two weeks pregnant when she had her accident, five weeks when I told her about my pregnancy and thirty-six when I gave birth to Wyatt, who is now three weeks.

So, technically, the last time she kissed me was forty-one weeks ago. And it still felt so bloody natural.

For a second, I felt normal. I felt like her accident never happened. I felt like this morning I woke up with her next to me groaning next to me because my alarm went off.

She was groaning this morning, but she wasn’t next to me. And she wasn’t groaning because my alarm went off, but because Wyatt had projectile vomited on her hair a few moments prior to my alarm going off.

This might be our new normal, but I’m not willing to stop trying to get my wife back.


	12. Remember Me

I know, this is really bad.

I am a Luthor, after all. Right? I can definitely use my last name as an excuse for every shit decision I make, right? isn’t that why it exists? Isn’t it the right gift for having to carry it on my shoulders?

I guess not, you’re right.

What did I do?

I found something that most definitely wasn’t meant for me to find.

I found a notebook and opened it. I told myself it was to understand what it was and put it where it belonged. I convinced myself it was for organisational purposes.

The truth is that I saw Kara’s handwriting on the first page and couldn’t stop myself. I only read that one page, realizing soon enough that it was a huge violation of privacy.

The problem is that I didn’t read Kara’s diary.

I read a page from a notebook. And guess what the page was about.

You got it right, it was a page about me. It seemed like something she’d write to remember things a wife’s supposed to know. I’m assuming she uses it to write everything she remembers, or what she’s told, about me, or about us.

The plan was to leave it where I found it and never talk about it.

The problem with this plan is that Kara is now standing in front of me with her arms crossed and narrowed eyes.

“You read it, didn’t you?”

I can’t lie to her, I just can’t. And it’d be so bloody easy.

“I did.” I can see her shoulders dropping the moment I say those two words. “Only the first page.”

She looks like she’s about to cry and I feel too bad to even explain what’s going on in my head at the minute.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to violate your privacy.”

She takes a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“You didn’t have to, I can see why you’d write all those things down.” I tell her, but she shakes her head in response.

“I started writing down the things Alex told me about you, and the all the glimpses of our past I could remember.” She says, almost ashamed. “I figured my brain might suffer some kind of damage if every memory came back to me, so I thought writing them down would help.”

“It makes sense.” I tell her, and she nods.

“Then Alex started kind of quizzing me about the things that I wrote in there, to see if I was forgetting new information as well.” She explains and I feel sick. “Turns out that I am not.”

“That’s good. Really good.” I tell her, not even trying to hide how relieved I am.

“Alex said not to cheer too much, though. She said I might forget new information, because we’re not really sure about what happened to me to make me like this.” She says and I’m back to feeling sick. “Because of us not knowing, we have no way of predicting what’s going to happen to my mind. We can’t know if I’ll ever remember everything or if I’ll suddenly start forgetting stuff at random moments.”

Alex never told me about this.

I probably should have seen it coming, but it never even crossed my mind.

I only thought it was possible for Kara to never fully remember the six years we spent together.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Honestly? I hate it.” She says. “I’m enjoying life, you know? I am remembering details about our life together, I can close my eyes and imagine how you proposed to me and I know it’s an actual memory. We have a beautiful son who means the world to me, and… What if I forget about him?”

I believed he was safe.

I was sure we wouldn’t have to worry about one of Wyatt’s mums not remembering who he is.

I didn’t imagine a life of waking up every single day and telling Kara “here, this is our son, please love him”.

What if she does forget him?

What if it happens when he is a bit older and understands?

“I’ll make sure you remember him.” I tell her.

“What if I suddenly forget about him and leave him somewhere?”

This didn’t even cross my mind.

“I am pretty sure memory loss doesn’t just come whenever. There has to be something that triggers it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” I assure her. “I promise you will never forget Wyatt at the supermarket.”

She considers it for a moment and then nods. “Yes, you’re right. I won’t.”

I don’t know if she looks like she actually believes what she just said.

“You’re writing about him, right?”

“Yes. Not exclusively, but yes.” She whispers.

“Is this also why you’ve been taking a shit ton of pictures lately?”

This time, I manage to make her blush. “And videos.”


	13. Not Again

Today feels like the perfect Sunday. I started my morning with blueberry pancakes at six a.m, courtesy of Kara who woke up before I did because of Wyatt. I then went to work for a few hours and took Wyatt with me to the office. When we got back from L-Corp it was lunch time and Kara had tried, and failed, to cook me lunch.

We ended up ordering burritos, and that’s always good.

It is now the afternoon and I am reading a book on the living room sofa, while Kara is dancing to soft rock music with Wyatt in her arms. She’s singing as well, stopping every now and then to talk to him. We both think that talking to him will make his speech easier, so we often engage in long, endless arguments and he simply stares at us and laughs.

I think he finds our voices to be funny.

Of course, a perfect day can’t last, right? Because one moment I’m reading my book, and the next I hear Kara suddenly stopping what she’s doing and gasping pretty loudly.

She’s panicking.

She has Wyatt in her arms, but her face is stone cold.

One moment ago, she was dancing around and talking to him and then, in a blink of the eye she stopped.

“Kara, darling.” I find myself whispering as I walk towards them. “What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head and hands me Wyatt. “My sister.”

“What about her?” I ask, holding a now distressed Wyatt. He knows that something’s wrong.

She closes her eyes and rubs her temples. “I can’t remember.”

Oh, no.

Not again.

“What can’t you remember?”

She looks at me for a second before dropping to her knees and crying her eyes out. I feel frozen for a moment, but then place Wyatt on his swing and run back to where Kara is kneeled. She’s shaking and I don’t know what to do.

“What is my sister’s name?”

This is what she was scared of. Forgetting things that she was supposed to remember. Every day things. Her sister’s name, Wyatt’s laugh, her friends.

“Alex. Your sister’s name is Alex.”

“Alex.” She whispers. “Alex.”

“Kara, it’s okay.”

“Alex.”

“I’ll call her, okay? She’ll come here and you’ll see her.”

She’s frantically nodding as I slowly get back up and walk to where my phone is.

“Alex, it’s me.” I whisper the moment she picks up her phone. “Can you please come here? It’s pretty urgent.”

As per usual, Alex doesn’t even reply and simply hangs up before rushing here.

When I walk back to the living room, I find Kara sitting next to Wyatt’s swing. She’s talking to him.

“I can’t forget you, Wyatt.” She says. “I can’t and I won’t. You know mummy won’t let it happen, right? You’ll have to trust her on this, but don’t worry, she’s amazing. And even if I do forget, she’ll remind me of you every single day, so that I can never really forget. She’ll talk to me about you and tell me how great you are. You know, I’ve know your mummy for around seven years now. I have forgotten some things, that’s true, but I still know how much she cares about me. I can see it in her eyes and in the way she talks to me. When your mummy and your auntie told me about my memory loss and I realized that mummy and I were together… Well, it wasn’t because of the ring or whatever, it was because I had seen it in her eyes. I remember feeling a weird emotion whenever she was around, but I couldn’t quite picture what it was. My brain might not remember that I love her, but my heart does. I know it does.”

And now I’m the one crying.

 


	14. Hot Chocolate

I came back from work to the smell of hot chocolate and freshly made chocolate chip cookies. I smile, and walk to the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, I find Kara with two mugs of hot chocolate, waiting for me.

Wyatt is asleep in his car seat and I smile at Kara before taking him to his nursery and putting him down.

I walk back to the kitchen. “What’s all this?”

Kara shrugs. “What do you mean what’s all this? It’s winter and it’s Wednesday, chocolate night!”

It is winter.

It is Wednesday.

It is chocolate night.

Kara is not supposed to remember any of this, though.

“Yes, you’re right.” I tell her, nodding.

Sometimes I fear she might forget that she lost her memories. Usually, whenever I look confused or shocked about something she does, it takes her a moment to realize she remembered something she had forgotten. Lately, she’s been remembering stuff without realizing that she’s lost her memories. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or if it’s a sign of an incoming downfall, but I’m tired of worrying.

Because worrying won’t change the outcome.

We’ve tried.

We’ve examined her brain.

We’ve talked to her about her past.

We’ve lived our lives normally with her.

Nothing seems to work, we can only live, knowing that she might remember, or that she might forget everything that makes her Kara.

At this point, we’re unsure.

“Let’s drink.” She says.

I sit down next to her, feeling uncertain. “How was your day?”

“Boring.” She admits. “I am not allowed to work at CatCo yet, so I spent the whole day at the DEO. Nothing happened, so I sparred with Alex. What about you?”

“Eventful.” I smile. “I think I might have spent six hours on the phone.”

“I know you love calling people.” She smirks at me. “At least Wyatt was good, wasn’t he?”

I nod. “He’s always good, we can’t complain. Ate like a champ and then slept a lot.”

“I need to talk to you.” She says after a moment of silence.

“You do?” I’m worried.

She nods.

“I’ve been thinking about this for quite a long time.” She says. “I know that life has been weird for the past year or so. I know you didn’t expect your pregnancy and the first few months with a baby to go like they did. I know you’ve had to live with the idea that I might never fully remember you, remember us, remember our love. I know you’ve feared I might never come back and that you’ll have to spend the rest of your life wondering if I was actually remembering things. I know you still do.”

She closes her eyes for a moment, then sits down next to me. “For a while, I feared you’d leave me. I wasn’t sure why it mattered that much, I didn’t remember you, did I? I still had this awful feeling in my stomach telling me that you were going to get tired of this situation and walk away. I kept telling myself that the life we were living wasn’t fair to you, and that leaving might have been the safest choice. I kept telling myself that you were looking at the person you considered the love of your life and seeing nothing.”

I didn’t know she had these thoughts.

“I told myself you were staying for Wyatt, thinking I had become a burden. Someone to take care of, rather than someone to love and cherish.” She takes a deep breath. “I kept writing about you in my journal, but never read what I was writing, what my actual thoughts were. Then I thought I’d read my past notes, and realized something. My brain might have forgotten a few things, but my heart knows how to love you. My heart does love you. I do love you.”

Tears are now streaming down my face.

“I know I’m a mess who talks to much and forgets things, but I guess that this is my life now.” Kara whispers. “I did forget who you were for a while, but I know see you the way I’m supposed to. I’m not sure if you made me fall in love with you all over again, or if it all came back, but it’s here. I remember what kissing you for the first time felt like. I remember our first date, the way we laughed until four in the morning, even though we both had to wake up early in the morning. I remember the walks in the park, hand in hand, fearing that someone might yell at us, but knowing that you’d fight them off. I remember Sunday mornings eating pancakes in bed while talking about literally anything that came to mind. I remember eating up cold dinners at three in the morning with my eyes and you yelling at me for hours. I remember feeling your naked skin under my touch and missing it when you’re gone for too long. I remember kissing you under the snow on those cold December nights.”

She remembers.

“I know it’s been hard. I’ll never be thankful enough because you stayed.” She says. “You stayed by my side, even when I forgot what your name was. You stayed, like you promised on our wedding day.”

_“Wedding vows are always terribly sweet and unoriginal. I wanted to do something special, something different. Except that that’s exactly what everyone does, because their love is different, more powerful. The thing is, our love is special. Our love is different. Our love is more powerful. I don’t have many things to promise you, I just want you to know that I’ll be there. Rain or sun. I’ll be there, next to you, every step of the way. I don’t know what life is going to bring us, but you can look next to you whenever you need me, and I’ll be there.”_

“I might still forget some things.” She whispers. “Sometimes I forget where we usually put our keys or where we keep spare glasses. I can’t tell you that my memory is going to stay the same forever, bur right now, I love you, I remember you, I care about you.”


	15. Fifteen

The idea of having a second child scared Kara to death.

Even though she was still having some memory problems, she had never had any issues with Wyatt or anything about him.

When we started actually trying, she started calming down. We talked a lot about having a second child, I most definitely wasn’t going to try and get pregnant with her unsure about the pregnancy and a new baby.

When the pregnancy test turned out to be negative the first time, she was upset. She tried to hide it, fearing I might feel some kind of pain because my body had failed me. I was disappointed, sure, but I’m a woman of science, I know that getting pregnant is not that easy.

When I had to go abroad while ovulating on month two, she got pissed. It was then when I realized how much she wanted a second child.

We tried a second time, and I’m not even going to talk about how happy she was when the second line appeared on the pregnancy test. She was overjoyed, and we cried together while dancing to non-existent music. It was six in the morning, and a weird experience.

Unfortunately, I miscarried at six weeks. It was painful, and Kara and I were both disappointed. Wyatt gave us the strength to go on, with his puffy cheeks and lively eyes.

We waited two more months before trying a third time. I remember feeling different about that month, but everything turned out to be okay. The pregnancy test came back positive, and so did he bloodwork done on me that week.

I was six weeks pregnant when they told us that we were having twins. We both spent the entirety of the pregnancy worrying that something might go wrong, but our fears turned out to be pointless.

We welcomed two more Danvers-Luthor’s four months before Wyatt’s fourth birthday. We named them Elizabeth Lily and Ezra Leigh.

Having one child is one thing, having three is absolutely terrifying. It was hard, exhausting and painful sometimes, but it was happy, fulfilling and amazing as well.

You can imagine the face I made when Kara said she believed we should have one more kid and close the deal with four kids. I accepted, of course, our children were amazing, one more was only going to make me happier.

It took us longer than it did with the twins and much longer than it did with Wyatt to get pregnant with our fourth and final child. I was extremely stressed because of work and raising three kids, and my uterus wasn’t willing to cooperate.

We thought a lot about giving up, but both Kara and I knew that there was a little someone missing from our family.

After three long years, winter brought us the last gift we asked from life: a daughter.

We welcomed our fourth, and last, child on a cold, snowy, mid-December night. We named her Winter Lia, crying with her as she entered the world.

Kara was always very gentle with our children. She never yelled, nor treated them like babies. She was always fair, listening to them and talking with them rather than to them.

I don’t know how I am as a parent. Kara is always telling me I was a great mother, but she can’t tell me otherwise, can she?

“Mum, can Mike come here for dinner, please?”

I nod. “You know mama and I have a date tonight. Aunt Alex and Aunt Maggie are coming to take care of you.”

Wyatt looks like he’s about to cry. “Are they bringing the beast with them as well?”

The beast.

Also known as Harper Danvers-Sawyer.

Alex and Maggie’s child.

They talked a lot about having a child, trying hard not to break up despite their differences on the subject. Alex respected Maggie’s wishes, and cried for a full week when Maggie told her that she felt ready. They adopted Harper when she was almost eight months, and loved her from the moment they laid eyes on her.

“Of course they’re bringing her.” I tell him. “She’s not that bad, come on.”

“Mum, you don’t understand.” He replies. “She’s the devil incarnate.”

“You can invite Mike over for dinner but, please, stop calling your cousin the devil incarnate.”

It’s funny because it’s true.

Harper is a difficult child. Overtime, we’ve learned that she’s somehow scared of me, so she normally behaves when I’m around. The fun begins when I’m away and she becomes this beast of a child, hence the nickname.

“Okay.” Wyatt looks disappointed. “Can’t you stay home?”

I shake my head. “It’s mama and I’s anniversary, darling.”

“Your fifteenth, right?”

I nod. “Yes, we got married two years before you were born.”

“So that makes it six years before Elizabeth and Ezra were born and ten years before Winter was born.” He says.

“Exactly.” I nod. “It feels like so long ago.”

“That’s because it was!” He smiles at me before running away.

Kara and I have a tradition, which is going on a date once a week. We normally go on Thursdays, but it really depends on our work schedule and on the kids. This week, we’re celebrating our fifteenth anniversary, and Kara told me she has a surprise.

She texts me a few minutes after Alex and Maggie have arrived, telling me to meet her on our balcony. My wife is weird, but I still love her.

“What are we doing here?” I ask her, once I see her descending on the balcony.

She shrugs. “I thought this should be a special date. Fifteen years.”

“It’s always special when I’m with you.”

She smiles at me, walking closer. “You always manage to say the right things, even after fifteen years.”

“You know me.” I smile back. “Where are we going, then?”

She walks closer to me, picks me up and, one second later, we’re flying mid-air. I missed this.

I have my hands around her neck, and she’s holding me close while flying to wherever she’s taking me. A few moments later, we’re standing in L-Corp’s balcony.

“Work?”

Kara sighs. “This place has so many memories, happy ones, mostly.”

“We shared many moments here.” I tell her, looking at the table she brought and the candles she lit the moment we got here. We sit down together, and she hands me a glass of wine.

“I remember a night before we had Wyatt, you told me you were scared we’d lose each other once we had kids.” She tells me. “We kept our tradition of Thursday dates, and never lost the special spark between us.”

She takes a step forward. “It was hard at times, remembering that I wasn’t only a mother, but a wife as well. I reckon the little things are what we need to be thankful for. The flower you leave by the coffee maker, the coffee I bring you in the office mid-morning, the times you do the dishes when I’m asleep on the couch, the biscuits I bring you from that shop in Paris you love, the things you get me because they made you think of me. Little things.”

“Those are precious.” I whisper.

“We’re special, Lena.” She says. “I will never stop telling you how grateful I am because I have you. You’ve given me a life of happiness, pure bliss, and tears of joy. You’ve given me our four, perfect, children. You’ve given me nights spent talking while watching the stars and days spent wishing to come home to you. Fifteen years ago, we got married, and I gave you my heart.”

_“I wrote something. I was prepared. I panicked, and lost what I wrote, and now I’m standing in front of you and I have no idea what I should say. This is important, and I know we’ll remember this day till our last breath. You already know that you have my heart, you’ve held it on your hand since the day we met. I know you always tell me I tend to exaggerate, but I truly believe that my heart knew that it belonged to you, from the moment we met. Today, I promise to love you. It’s boring and pointless, but I want you to know that I will love you. Because the truth is that nothing really matters when I’m with you, and I feel like I was meant to love you. So, here, take my heart. Keep it close to yours, because that’s where it’s supposed to be.”_

“I’ve loved you for so long, I’m not sure I know how to live a life without doing just that.” She gets up, offering me her hand. “Now come, and let me carry you home.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
